Prologue

Loving Life Even When It Hurts: Memoir of an Outsider


It is not easy for me to write my story because I have experienced more failures than successes, more rejections than acceptance, and more bad days than good days during various periods of my life. In short, I don't have a success story, nor do I know the secret of how to achieve the American dream of 'from rags to riches.'

Another predicament I face is how to recount my ordeals without implicating certain organizations or individuals who have done great harm to me. The only way I can do it is to recount those terrible events with a forgiving spirit and a loving heart, with the hope that others may benefit from my painful experiences.

You may wonder: Why call yourself an outsider? Because I know all about being on the fringe from a lifetime of experience.

It is never pleasant to be on the outside looking in, especially when it is cold and dark.
It hurts when you get rejected without any valid reason.

What can you do when you are told:
No, your are from China and you speak with a strong accent.
No, you are not good enough.
No, you are too outspoken.
No, your ideas are different from ours.
No, no reason necessary.

I wish I could say that I have reached the level of spiritual maturity where I can simply walk away and wipe the dust from my feet without any hurt feelings. I wish I could say that I have learned the secret of the Apostle Paul who was able to count gain as loss and loss as gain. I am not there yet but I have learned how to transform those hurt feelings into a positive force for change. If the world is not fair, why not fight for justice? If life is full of suffering, why not strive with all your might to reduce suffering and enhance well-being?

The rejections are not always explicitly stated, but the end results are the same: exclusion and marginalization. But I have to keep on knocking and keeping on believing because my life story can be summed up in one phrase: in search of the good life for all.

The needs are great, and my days are few.  There is so much to be done. When night falls, I can no longer work. I am willing to pay any price to be the salt and light of the world, but I cannot achieve this life goal by being hidden in a cellar. Therefore, I will go anywhere and do anything within power to spread the message of changing the world from inside out.

On one of those bad days, I would say to myself: "Well, you just have to accept the fact that you are an unlucky person. The stars must have aligned ominously when you were born."

How else can you explain the fact that my birth ushered in the Japanese invasion and its horrible aftermath? How else can you explain the many misfortunes that you can find in my story?

But on one of the good days, I would say that I am a lucky person because I have experienced more answered prayers and learned more lessons than most people, and I am blessed with a devoted wife and two good sons: one an entertainment lawyer and another a Harvard professor. The most precious lessons I have learned are how to love life even when it hurts and how to create your own games when others exclude you for dubious reasons. 

I am a preacher without a pulpit, but the world is my mission field. I am a professor without research grants and students, but the universe is my university.  I don't have the necessary resources, but I have learned to do my best with whatever I have. So, with all my limitations and imperfections, I am telling the story of an imperfect life transformed by grace.

What really motivates me to undertake this big project is in the hope that that my life story may bring encouragement, comfort, and joy to all those who are struggling with their fears and pains, and who are searching for the good life.